Hey Guys, I was gone for awhile and I really do apologize for that. I did the exact thing I said I was not going to do and up and left ya’s. So sorry!
I have to say life has been hectic lately. We are continuing to renovate our house – it’s been 2.5 years …… Harvey is so incredibly busy ALL THE TIME, I am working on my online business – living on trend, helping Dean with his business and writing a book at the same time! I mean I love every minute of it, but I really am missing my blog and the lovely messages that I receive so thank you all for your support – I am back
I have so much I want to talk about, but I am going to keep it simple today. I am going to share with you the worst experience of MY LIFE, that happened only a few short months ago, and I want to tell you how it has changed me. A
It was November and it was the first week of signing up to a new gym, high intensity workout and a lot of people! I was already skeptical about doing this class because one – it’s expensive, and two having type 1 diabetes and going to the gym is hard, increasing that intensity to 1000 opened me up to having a hypo in front of 50 strangers. This gym has a child minding service which is so great!
I dropped Harvey at the creche and he was absolutely fine (it seemed). Once the class was over I went to get Harvey and a mum was holding her baby crying hysterically and so was her baby. Harvey had bitten her child………………. OH MY GOD I FELT AWFUL!!!
This mum was hysterical that Harvey had bitten her child that I started crying because I felt so awful. After apologising to the mum over and over again, another mum stepped in and said “HE WAS SCRATCHING AND BOTHERING MY CHILD THE ENTIRE TIME”
I was mortified….. I cried for a week. I was mum shamed and embarrassed in front of 10 other mums (all who stood around watching and listening). At the time I did not want to go back to that gym, I was throwing in the towel and felt sick to my stomach every time I thought about it. A few nights later I was unable to sleep and I was visualising myself walking into the gym and how that made me feel. The first time I walked through the door I was scared, on edge and embarrassed. But I walked back out and back through the doors and I didn’t feel that way again! This time I felt (a little nervous) mostly for the class, but not for the mums around me, or the judgement that I thought I would get.
The truth is, I allowed myself to feel that way. I was so upset with Harvey after the incident but he didn’t remember what had happened. I had allowed myself to feel embarrassed and ashamed of him, and that now is what makes me most sad. (he was a year and a half) Yes, Harvey has bitten kids in the past, yes he uses his hands and hits when people get in his space or when they have something he wants, but he is learning – and so are we. And that is OK. Did the mums yelling at me do the right thing? Maybe at the time they felt they were. They are mama bears protecting their cubs. I just hope those mums found the courage to go back to the gym despite this experience.
This was a few months ago and Harvey has been back to the creche a few times. I would absolutely take him more if I was completely over the situation but the truth is, it’ll take some healing.
I am so proud of myself for putting myself back into the gym and honestly, I absolutely LOVE IT! I attend about 7 – 8 times a week, oh yes a week! I’m addicted and so happy that I persevered and held in there because you don’t know what you don’t know. People are not intentionally trying to belittle you and make you feel bad, a lot of times things are in our own heads and most of the time (especially for me) our inner voice is a bitch. The words we say to ourselves are so powerful. Not everyone is judging us, not everyone wants to see us fail – we are all just treading water trying to stay afloat.
This is my greatest example of my personal growth journey over the last 10 years, I can’t wait to see what I can do in the next 10 months.